Once upon a time, well, no not really. Years ago–that works–women wore hats and gloves everywhere, even when it was hot. Women wore girdles and hose with skirts–the chastity belts of the 60s. Now there are Spanks in place of girdles and nothing in place of hose, except when you want your legs to be a different color or if you’re trying to make a good impression.

A slip used to be required with a dress or skirt. God forbid someone could see your legs through your dress. Now wedding gowns come with see-through corsets. Really? Isn’t that stuff saved for the wedding night? Apparently not any more. It’s okay to wear five-minute wear to your wedding as long as there are crystals on the corset and a veil on your head.

One of my friends on Facebook posted a picture of her wedding back in the early 70s. Her gown had long sleeves and a high collar. Her veil was short and perched on top of her head. I was reminded of wedding pictures in the back closet of a wedding in 1969 and the bride wore long bishop sleeves (fitted at the top and billowing at the bottom with fitted cuffs) and a short collar with the veil perched on top of her head. In the 70s picture the veil was elbow length and in the other picture the veil is shoulder length.

So what happened to wedding fashion? Even in the 90s brides wore sleeves and their shoulders were covered. The neckline was probably V-shaped. The trains were long and the veils were still short. When did nearly-naked brides start waking the aisles? Apparently around 2000 and it may have had something to do with an episode of “Sex in the City.” Charlotte wore a strapless gown for her first wedding. Trains became shorter (easier to maneuver for dancing) and veils became longer and were removed for the reception. The strapless wedding gown became even more revealing with a sweetheart neckline and sometimes the see-through corset.

The veil has disappeared for second weddings. Really, how many surprises are left by the second wedding? Some brides want the huge wedding the second time around because they didn’t get one for their first marriage. If “Say Yes to the Dress” is any indication some brides will have several children before they can afford the wedding they want.

Kate Middleton wore a beautifully modest gown for her wedding and her bouquet was a proper bridal bouquet. Bridal bouquets for decades were shaped like an inverted teardrop and held in front of the uterus–literally. The bouquet was held below the waist and it tipped forward toward the ground. Apparently the tree-trunk style of bridal bouquets came into being about the same time as the bare-skinned wedding gown. Brides no longer carry the bouquet below the waist it is carried in front of the chest or up and out to the side like cheerleader’s pompoms.

Styles change. Kate Middleton, now Catherine Duchess of Cambridge, went back in time for her gown and bouquet to pay homage to Diana Princess of Wales (Lady Diana), who would have been her mother-in-law.

Longer veils placed farther back on the head and separate from tiaras or other bridal headpieces are more attractive than little beanies perched atop heads. Little hats with birdcage veils go back to the 30s and 40s but don’t have the appeal of the long trailing veil.

A happy medium would be long veils placed low on the back of the head above a dress covering the shoulders and possibly complete with sleeves. Five-minute wear should stay behind closed doors.

I didn’t think I’d ever retire. I thought since I didn’t own a farm like my grandfather sold to retire I just work until I was gone. I never thought I wouldn’t have a say in the matter.

Over two years ago I had the opportunity to console my manager when he had to present me with a layoff notice. It’s really strange to have to console someone else in their grief when you really should be dealing with your own, but I’ve been to that place before. Trying to grieve for a real loss while someone else in the room can only think of a similar loss–that hasn’t even happened yet!!–shouldn’t be a place you have to go.

As for the manager, he’s one of the few left at that company in this city who will still have a job in two years. The business is closing its doors here. He’s relocating to a site that is more secure. That whole scenario is more depressing than this post.

I was 1 year, 5 months, and 11 days from being able to officially retire. Last week I declared myself retired from the job hunt. It’s not that I’m not qualified to work. It’s not that I don’t want to work. It isn’t that I don’t have a good resume, my resume rocks. It’s gotten me through the interview door over 20 times. I’ve only been able to get a business to keep me twice, both times did not end well.

What’s the most difficult part of decluttering? Making up your mind! Do you want to keep it? Where will you move it to show it’s worth keeping? If you’re ready to get rid of it, can you simply throw it away? If not, then it becomes much more difficult.

The Basics

These are sample decluttering questions. Feel free to revise the list and add questions of your own:

• Have I needed it in the last 2 years? If you have small children and you are waiting for a younger child to grow into an older child’s clothing, by all means keep them.
• Can I find it when I need it? Is it where it needs to be? If not it needs to be moved to a location where other similar items are kept to make it easier to find.
• Does it have meaning for me (or another member of the household)?
• Should I ask family members (brothers, sisters, grown children) if they want it? Will they come and get it?
• Is it valuable enough to sell? Is it worth trying to sell?
• Can I take a picture of the item for a keepsake and discard the item?
• How many do I have? How many do I need?

Items that are still useful can be donated to charitable organizations such as Goodwill, Disabled American Veterans or the Salvation Army, etc. Pick your favorite or even better pick the one closest to your home. Being close and having good drop-off hours lets you take small loads and get back to your project more quickly.

Sign up for a curb-side recycling program with rewards if you can. It makes letting go of paper goods easier as well as glass and plastic (depending on the program). If there isn’t a program in your area, try to find a business location where you can recycle. Some grocery store chains have truck sized bins where you can drop off paper, aluminum, and plastic bottles. You may have to store the items temporarily but recycling rewards the planet.

The last way to dispose of clutter is to throw it away. It doesn’t feel as good as donating or recycling UNLESS you really need to throw it away (excluding hazardous materials of course). Photographs of a past relationship can be recycled but sometimes it just feels GREAT to tear a photograph into pieces while saying something you couldn’t or never had the chance to say in person. If you can’t part with the original photograph but need to complete the ritual, make a copy of it and destroy the copy.

Stuff That Shouldn’t Go in the Trash

If you’re cleaning out your cleaning supplies can you just throw a bottle away? Not if it contains a hazardous chemical. It needs to be taken to a hazardous chemical disposal location. Where’s the closest location? What are the hours? Why are the only hours during the times most people are at work? Look or listen for special collection dates and locations at more convenient times and places. You’ll end up storing the items until you can dispose of them. Pick a safe storage location.

E-waste—electronic items such as cell phones, computers, printers, etc. propose another disposal problem. They shouldn’t be tossed in the trash because they contain hazardous materials too. The best solution is finding a local EPA approved donation or recycling program. Go to http://www.epa.gov/osw/conserve/materials/ecycling/donate.htm to find the nearest location. Best Buy also does e-cycling http://www.bestbuy.com/site/Global-Promotions/Recycling-Electronics/pcmcat149900050025.c?id=pcmcat149900050025&DCMP=rdr0001422. There may be other businesses in your area.

The bathroom cabinet isn’t a good place to store medications because of humidity but you still end up with over-the-counter and prescription medications that you need to get rid of. To dispose of unused medications see http://www.fda.gov/downloads/Drugs/ResourcesForYou/Consumers/BuyingUsingMedicineSafely/UnderstandingOver-the-CounterMedicines/ucm107163.pdf.

Clutter Landmines

Doing it all at once doesn’t usually work, especially once you hit a clutter landmine. The landmine can be a box of pictures that evoke a strong emotional response such as pictures of a dear family member who has passed on, or something valuable enough you can’t just toss it. The best suggestion I have for landmines is to find a place to store them and go through them one small group at a time when you are feeling emotionally strong or the decluttering bug bites hard. Pictures can be scanned to be saved and shared electronically but it still takes fortitude to work your way through the stack.

Another landmine subject is hobbies or do-it-yourself projects. You have to decide if you will use the hobby supplies or complete the project. If you’re close to retirement and the hobby or project is something that you are driven to complete when you have more time, keep it. If you have supplies that could be used by a church or school and you know you’ll never use them, call and ask how you can donate the materials. Have a friend or family member that loves that type of project? Ask them if they would like to have it.

Getting It Done

Plan for landmines. Once you hit one move it out of the way or move to a different work area. It may seem more practical to start in one room and complete it but unless it is a bathroom or small kitchen you may become discouraged and quit completely.

Once you start you’ll feel better about yourself and your home. Your home will be a safer place to live. Once you become addicted to decluttering you’ll find yourself with an 10 extra minutes and notice a small area that needs attention. You won’t be able to stop yourself from clearing it out.

Last night we went to a retirement dinner. I had met several of the people before but it had been a very long time. Thankfully we sat across from someone I hadn’t met before so I wasn’t expected to know or recognize them. The guest of honor was a tall man with a shock of white hair so he was easy to keep track of.

As we were getting ready to leave a whole string of people walked by on the way to a table farther back in the restaurant. I looked down the line to see how many people there were and at the end of the line was a face I recognized! I had worked with him for over eight years. He is tall and has a very distinct mustache. I couldn’t believe he was there and I couldn’t believe I recognized him.

We are friends on Facebook and that helped. This morning I realized that the picture he uses on Facebook isn’t a photograph, it is the drawing we gave him as a retirement gift. I knew that I could recognize people better from a caricature than a photograph. The person drawing the caricature emphasizes the features that are unique to the individual. Those features are the visual cues I use to identify people.

So maybe what face blind people need isn’t a book of photographs of people they need to remember but a set of caricatures or basic drawings of people. My friend’s drawing allowed me to put out my hand to shake his and say hello to an old friend in a crowded restaurant where I didn’t expect to recognize anyone.

The main character in “Faces in the Crowd” develops face blindness as the result of a head injury. I’m sure that people who found themselves in the same situation would find more in common with her than I did because I have been face blind my entire life.

The part of the movie that I felt the most applicable to me was the scene where she first wakes up and sees nothing recognizable in the space between people’s hair and necks. When similar scenes are shown in zombie movies I relax while other people near me tense up. That’s how I see everybody.

I recognized Milla Jovovich from her other movies. If I have seen an actor in enough movies or television shows I usually can recognize them unless they are wearing something on their faces that distorts the shape. My significant other occasionally asks me if that is so-and-so, which leads to a “for someone with face blindness you sure recognize a lot of people.” If I recognize someone that he doesn’t, I probably can’t name  the actor.  I have to start naming movies or shows they were in until he guesses the right name.

Not being able to recognize her friends in public places fits, but when their faces change from one view to the next that doesn’t. I home in on the space between people’s eyes and that changed when the actors changed. I have turned away from someone and then when I turned back their face disappeared. I had to look up to their hair and down to their shirt to know for sure that they were still sitting there. I did have to ask if the people in the scene were supposed to be her friends at times and tracking the boyfriend in public places was a challenge because they didn’t always do a close up of his head.

If you want someone to understand more about what life is like with face blindness, watch this movie with them. Tell them what applies to you and what doesn’t. If you don’t recognize anyone in the scene, tell them. The part of the brain that recognizes faces is very specific and how it effects individuals is also very specific. People can’t understand why you can recognize a Ford Mustang but you can’t recognize them by their faces. Just tell them that part of your brain took a hike and it’s not coming back.

Once I asked Grandpa how he kept warm when it was so cold outside. He said he wore two pairs of pants. I tried it once. It didn’t help at all. Of course he was wearing two pairs of pants and I was wearing two pairs of panties.

I find it hard to consider fibromyalgia a blessing. It is much easier to consider it a curse. It interferes with your life. It gives you pain where others would feel comfort (a hug). It slows you down when you want to speed up. It takes you places you don’t want to go (back to bed or to the nearest chair).

Announcing to the world that you have fibromyalgia is like announcing to the world that you are a pity-seeking, whiny individual that wants special treatment and doesn’t deserve it. Most people can’t understand. Those with arthritis or lupus can, but John Q. Public thinks you’re a wimp. I’ve written before about people who fight fibromyalgia every step of the way and how strong those individuals really are.

Today I’m talking about job interviews. How much can you safely tell a future employer about fibromyalgia without blowing yourself out of the water? If they ask what your greatest weakness is do you say “attendance” or do you pull the whole turn a negative into a positive thing? Can you say, “I won’t be there every day but the days I’m there you won’t find a better employee?” How do you find a job that you don’t have to be there every day that isn’t part time? These days businesses are demanding that one employee do the work of two or three.

I can tell you that if you don’t fully disclose your situation until you have had a chance to show them what you can do, it may not matter. Once you tell them that fibromyalgia has effected your attendance in the past, you’re done. Anything that they can use to get rid of you will work.

So where does that leave you? The sin of omission? Give it your all and hope the situation is one you can handle and miss a minimum of work–like a normal employee? Again I submit that businesses are expecting more and more from fewer and fewer employees. Even if you start at a job that you can handle, will it stay that way? Not much chance if you’re the type that takes multi-step procedures and simplifies them to speed up processes. You’ll end up with more than you can do because you’ve already done so much.

I’ve written before about scars that don’t show. Fibromyalgia is a scar that doesn’t always show. At a job interview if you are having a tough day it will show on your face and you won’t get the job no matter what you say. If you are having a good day or you can manage to fake it even with the stress of a job interview, that day you must make the full disclosure decision.

When family members marry or bring significant others to family events it can add another layer of stress if you have face blindness. I’m not talking about family reunions, those are nightmares for the face blind. I’m talking about events with smaller groups of people.

A holiday event where there is only one new child and one new adult isn’t too bad as long as you are in a confined space such as a home. If there’s an adult you don’t recognize its the new person. If there’s a child you don’t recognize its the new child. Take that same group to a busy buffet-style restaurant and you have two new people on the radar that get lost in the crowd. The adult should be fine on their own but the child may need to be found for their own safety.

How do you handle that? First step is to memorize the hair color of the child and hopefully be able to stand near them when they are also standing. That gives you a height reference. Then memorize what they are wearing. Hopefully there are no other children in the restaurant wearing exactly the same clothing. Next you factor in that this child may recognize you and be shy in your presence. This gives you another recognition factor. Strangers’ children don’t care who you are. They may smile at you because you remind them of their grandparent or they may just be friendly children that smile at everyone.

If all else fails hopefully you can recognize another child or adult in the group that can go look for the child in question.

It’s me, Buddy! You know what I don’t like? I don’t like it when another dog won’t come by my fence and say “Hi!” to me. If they stay across the street or just out of scent range it makes me bark. If I bark too much Mommy makes me come inside! All because someone wouldn’t come see me!

I like it when another dog comes over and runs my fences with me. Actually I only have one fence around my yard but for some reason Mommy and Daddy always say “Go check your fences” when we come home in the car. I think it has something to do with Mommy’s grandpa being a farmer. I have no idea what a farmer is but he must have more than one fence, which doesn’t make any sense to me because I only need one fence to keep me in the yard.

Where was I? Oh, yeah. Visiting dogs. The only time I get to run loose with other dogs is when we go to the dog park. There are really long fences there. They need a lot of marking too. If I try to go all the way around Mommy says I end up shooting blanks. I have no idea what that means. I just know I used to try to mark every fence post. Now I know if I spend all my time trying to hit all the fence posts I won’t have any time to play with the other dogs.

Playing with other dogs is new to me. I was a rescue dog and the shelter said I had to be an only dog because I didn’t get along with other dogs. When we started going to the dog park all I did was mark fence posts. Then I started saying “Hello” to all of the humans so I could get petted. That still works, but Mommy and Daddy yell at me if I try to mark a human. She really needed marking, okay? I know these things. I’m a dog! Now when I go to the dog park I say “Hi!” to all of the dogs at least once. Once in a while I even play with them.

Just because I have a fence and the other dog parents don’t keep their dogs safe doesn’t mean they shouldn’t come by and be social. We could run the fence together. It’s fun!

I met my significant other online 13 years ago. It wasn’t as common then as it is now. Face blindness didn’t have the publicity it has now so I didn’t know I had it. The combination of those two things makes quite a story.

The first time we met face to face was at an evening church service in my home town. We had both seen pictures of each other but that didn’t do me much good. When working in an office setting if I know where a person sits I can look at a picture and it will help me find them. If someone stops me along the way for any reason, I still know the location but I’ve lost the face.

Luckily that evening I saw him enter the church and he recognized me. During the service we were sitting side by side which is not a good vantage point for me to map a face unless I only want to recognize someone from the side. After church we went to dinner. The restaurant was dimly lit and there was a large sunny window behind him giving me nothing but the light of the candle on the table to see his face by and a shadow for his general shape while sitting down. Neither of those things would help me recognize him either. The sun was starting to go down by the time we left the restaurant so I still didn’t have good visual clues.

The next weekend we were meeting in a large bookstore in his home town. When I started walking through the aisles of the store looking for him I realized I didn’t have a clue what he looked like. I blamed it on the lighting at the restaurant. I walked up and down the aisles of the bookstore until I found someone that was very glad to see me. That had to be him!

Thirteen years later he’s still very glad to see me. He wears weird colored tee shirts in the summer,  a bright yellow raincoat when we travel (to Ireland) and wool driving caps in the winter so I can find him. The best part? If I can’t find him, he finds me.